Sue and Bobby think they should share a bedroom. They believe that the essence of marriage is becoming one with your partner and all things should reflect that. Conversely, Carla and John enjoy having separate bedrooms.
They believe that separation helps strengthen their relationship. No single choice is right for everyone; the ultimate decision depends on the particulars of the individuals and their interactions as a couple.
Society still presents the archaic idea that couples should share everything; however, as the world becomes more modern, couples are separating many aspects of their lives. According to a Raddon Financial Group survey reported in the Wall Street Journal, about 48 percent of married couples have two or more checking accounts between them. Couples in that percentage are more likely to agree with Carla and John about the need for separation.
Beyond separating bank accounts, couples like Will and Sharon have separate houses. For years, Sharon has lived at her mother’s to be a care provider. She returns home with Will once a month and spends a few nights there. The couple insists that this arrangement has helped them grow closer and establish an independence they lacked during the first few years of their marriage.
This topic has caused controversy for years because people are very passionate about their relationships and what makes a relationship work. It helps to identify a view advantages and disadvantages when evaluating whether couples should have separate bedrooms.
Advantages of Separate Bedrooms:
- Linen choice
- Temperature control
- Alone time
- Asking, “your place or mine?” can spice up the sexual relationship
- Provides a place to cool down after an argument
- Encourages couples to spend time talking during the day
- Allows time to pamper yourself before seeing your partner in the morning
- Promotes independence
- Inspires romance for some couples
- Decreases disagreements about frivolous subjects
Disadvantages of Separate Bedrooms:
- Couples do not fall asleep holding one another
- Outsiders may not understand the arrangement
- The separation could take intimacy away for some couples
- Encourages independence that may not be welcomed
What is the Right Choice?
The issue is whether or not couples should have separate bedrooms. The answer is that it depends on the couple, and not just an individual in the relationship.
If one person wants separate bedrooms and the other does not, a compromise should be made in which both parties fully understand the arrangement. If one person dominates the decision it can lead to animosity and the relationship that is meant to be strengthened will further perish.
Couples should understand that having separate bedrooms is not equivalent to leading a separate life. The separation of bedrooms serves to increase comfort and decrease frivolous arguments about subjects like temperature and television usage in the bedroom. Having a separate bedroom does not mean that one person has the right to stay out all night without upsetting his or her partner. Likewise, the separation of bedrooms does not suggest that one person can freely neglect his or her responsibilities as a parent or spouse.
The possibility of having separate bedrooms and maintaining a healthy, loving, successful relationship does exist. The ultimate decision depends on the dynamics of the couple and the only important thing is that the goals set by the couple are reached. If maintaining your marriage is important, trying new things to preserve it is a good idea. Having separate bedrooms may not seem beneficial to the people around you, but if you think it can help you, trying it is the first step.