Don't start throwing stones just yet, there is logic to my seeming madness. For years women have been blamed when a marriage or relationship goes sour. Why? Because traditionally, woman's work was to make her man happy, fulfilling his every wants, needs and desires. Heck, women were considered property at one point in time and traditions die hard.
How many women today still vow to “obey” their spouse? Another question for you, how many of you were alarmed at Kate's decision not to say the “O” word at her wedding to Will? How many of you thought, “Do they still do that ?” In addition to taking care of the home and kids, the woman has to be able to satisfy her husband sexually and emotionally. If she does a good job, he sticks around, if she doesn't do a good job, he finds someone else to do it right.
While it is ridiculous to suggest that it is the woman's fault when her husband cheats, because she did not satisfy his needs, one could still blame the woman for her husband's infidelity on different grounds. Here are some ways a woman can contribute to the delinquency of her husband.
• She promised to “obey” and “for better or worse” If you make promises you ought to keep those promises, right? It follows then that she will do and take anything to keep him happy while obeying his every demand. Not having your own voice in a marriage is a sure way to frive your man away.
• Assuming that sex will get you everything including an exclusive relationship with your husband, is somewhat short sighted. The belief that a good sex trumps everything and the man would not need to stray from the anointed bed, is seriously delusional. This belief provides a false sense of security, leaving you in the dark while your husband enjoy's his extra curricular activities.
• Wearing blinders throughout the marriage is not cool. Not seeing what should be obvious is a common fault of the of many women. They see what they want to see and hear what they choose to hear. If your man is cheating there usually are clues. He is no longer as attentive as he used to be or there is no demand or need for his sexual needs to be met could be signs that there is trouble either in the marriage or with your spouse. If you overlook the signs, then you are unable to deal with the issue.
• How is this the woman’s fault? Well if she was able to see the signs, she may have bee able to nip the problem in the bud rather than allowing it to continue with disastrous results. Confronting your husband could go one of 3 ways; he leaves you, you leave him, he behaves. In any of theses cases he won’t be cheating on you anymore.
• Low self-esteem causes women to feel that she deserves what she gets from her spouse. Being a door mat does not earn her any kudos and will certainly not discourage a cheating. Even if your marriage survives, what does that say about the woman’s acceptance of the situation?
• Blaming the Other Woman tells the man that it is not his fault and that he is cheating. It is in fact the woman’s fault if she sees her husband as a helpless victim to the enticements of Jezebel. She approaches the other woman and tells her to stay away from her man. Perhaps they get into fist fight and the uttering of threats while the helpless man beams with pride. When he finally leaves her to go live with the other woman – it’s your fault.
• Living with an abusive and domineering wife may be an impetus for the man to cheat. You may rule the roost and turn your spouse into a "yes man" at home but you can be driving your husband into the arms of another women where he feels more appreciated and where he gets to put his pants back on.
As you see, bring at fault has more to do with what you are willing to take than what you are willing to give. Its not your fault if you read the signs and took action, regardless of the consequences. Its not your fault if you place blame where is should be placed and you respect your partner the way you want to be respected. Its not your fault if you assume your position as an equal participant in the marriage and you love yourself.