Posted by: neilm
« on: April 10, 2010, 07:19:23 AM »
I believe that it is possible for a good friend to be a lover. Some rare marriages prove that fact.
However, the reasons why such situations are rare, in my opinion, relates to the fact that we are all choosing to be selfish (to varying degrees). That fact explains why there is so little expression or experience of true love on this planet.
Here are some subconscious personal factors that come into play that negatively affect our relationships and determine those to whom we are attracted.
Two people meet and either they suddenly feel attracted or not. Either they want to move closer or not. There is usually an energetic “pull-closer” or a “push-away.”
Something is happening, it happens quickly, and it is happening on a much deeper level than the physical level. It is outweighing superficial appearance or material factors. What is happening is subconscious, psychological, and complicated.
The pull-closer, if for purely selfish reasons, will eventually lead to some kind of negativity and pain. The push-away could be either positive or negative depending on the intentions of each person.
When two selfish individuals feel an attraction, one or more of the following subconscious factors will likely be operative:
1. Individuals seeking a close, sexual relationship may be attracted because they have opposite subconscious “basic selfish dispositions.” One person will be “basically angry” and the other “basically fearful.” Anger and fear are the two basic ways that we selfishly control to get what we want or avoid what we do not want. If two individuals are of the same selfish disposition (i.e. both basically angry or both basically fearful), they would share similar selfish behavior patterns and would attempt to control and manipulate in similar ways. Were they to enter into a close, sexual relationship their similar selfish approaches would start to clash and the lifespan of their relationship would probably be short-lived. They know too much about each other’s ways.
2. Individuals may be attracted because they have subconscious selfish intentions or behavior pattern ideas that match or are compatible.
If a person holds an idea such as “I have to control in covert ways,” and another person holds the idea “I want someone to take care of me,” those ideas would be compatible.
If a woman had an abusive father relationship, she might have come away covertly hating her father and extended her feelings to include all men. If a man is holding the idea that he does not deserve to be loved or does not deserve anything good, he might be subconsciously attracted to a woman who will refuse to love him.
A woman may be attracted violent personalities or substance abusers, but may not consciously understand why. It is likely that she is enacting a subconscious pattern of being a “victim.”
A man may be attracted to a woman who is obviously controlling. He does not like how she is but feels compelled to be with her. He probably has subconscious patterns relating to his experiences with an excessively controlling mother.
Someone wanting to look good or be perceived as important or right may be attracted to a person who is choosing to be a screw-up, a flake, or a scatterbrain. On the other hand, a person wanting to look or important may be attracted to someone like that.
3. Individuals may be attracted because they have made a significant subconscious “negative agreement” that often has to do with taking personal responsibility.
If a person who is refusing to take full responsibility for his or her life meets someone seeking to take more than 100% responsibility, there might be a strong attraction based on that responsibility trade-off. This is common in selfish relationships.
If both individuals are seeking to avoid truth and reality, that avoidance might be the basis of an attraction.
Since we always know the things we do that are wrong, a person may have an “approach-avoidance” experience. This might occur because a person is sensing positive factors in another that would mean he or she would have to deal with person negatives in order to be with that person. That relationship would become a challenge that has a desirable attraction, yet has an undesirable dimension.
Some people harbor extremely negative intentions and feelings that are not consciously or visibly apparent. A person may push-away someone because he or she is subconsciously “reading” the other person’s true psychological state
Subconsciously, someone out in public may be projecting “I am available.” While another may be saying, “I am not interested in a relationship.”
Of course, the individuals might be attracted for unselfish, right, loving reasons, but, at this time, on this planet, that would be relatively rare. The divorce rates and the huge number of couples in frustrated, unfulfilling, negative relationships would seem to indicate that fact.
The possibilities for attraction or pushing-away are endless. Until we transform ourselves into truly loving beings, relationships will remain complicated, tricky, and difficult ventures. The kind of people we attract and interact closely with, ultimately, depends on the nature and quality of our own subconscious intentions.
As far as true love is concerned, as long as we approach relationship from selfish motivations, from a “getting” rather than a “giving” place, and as long as we resist consistent right action, an experience of true love will elude us.